Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Clouded Memories, Blissful Ignorance

My memories of youth are probably corrupted by the corrosion of time. Certainly as a younger man I was more eager to meet women. Inevitably, chasing behind girls tends to encourage them to run away. Now, in my fourth decade of life, with a divorce, two teenage children and constantly working on multiple jobs and numerous projects I simply have other priorities. It isn’t that I’ve completely given up spending time with women, but with everything else on my plate that sort of thing just isn’t at the forefront of the matrix any longer.

So, with my attention diverted elsewhere, it oddly seems that my tendency to pay the ladies less attention actually results in attracting them. I guess when they aren’t being pestered and pursued they are more apt to poke their heads out of their shells and take a look around. When they notice my lack of interest, it seems to spawn an internal curiosity to explore exactly why I am not showing the level of interest they believe they deserve.

I am not turned off at all by the attention of a nice, intelligent woman. I am not anti-female and my schedule is full simply because I like it that way. My non-stop activity is mostly of my own doing, so I can take a break whenever I choose. When I am approached by an intriguing woman it is very likely that I will make time for her.

This is not some wild claim that women are following me home like stray dogs and lining up outside my door hoping for a fresh bone. But the truth is that in my forties, I can tell you that I get a lot more attention from the opposite sex than when I was a kid. Of course, things have to be considered in proper perspective. Looking back to days when I couldn’t get a pretty girls attention even by intentionally stepping on her foot it doesn’t take a whole lot more attention to make a huge statistical difference: one will always be greater than zero.

Who would have imagined that my being less attentive would have the effect of actually calling attention to me? That would have been valuable information to have as a young man. But I probably would have dismissed it as a ridiculous hypothesis back then. Instead, I once again learn a valuable lesson too late. I’m older now, less bothered to chase women yet more pursued by them. Regardless, the end result is that I am in this period of my life that one might expect I ought to have figured a few things out, but still I am as confounded by females as I have ever been. By the time I sort out this phase of my life I’ll likely be in my sixties dealing with all new and more challenging relationship predicaments.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

When We Still Felt Feelings

Do you recall those carefree youthful days of flirting and dating fun? The extreme sensations you felt in both your head and chest with every possibility that arose to find something incredibly special. I do. Why do things have to change in this area when we mature? I can only imagine that it is the result of experience. Frequent injuries build up scar tissues that result in thicker skin with less sensation. Life has a tendency to wear you down in that way. The blissful ignorance of youth is somewhat sorely missed. Even though many of the feelings we had were of confusion and pain, at least we used to have feelings!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

A Light Flight

We had just taken off on a cross country flight when the woman seated next to me leaned over and whispered “I don’t want to bother you, but as soon as the plane levels off I’m going to have to pee.”

I responded “Don’t worry, I’ll turn my head.” While at the same time offering her my empty Styrofoam coffee cup.

She laughed at my joke, and then continued laughing for a long time. It turns out she was an off duty flight attendant and she claimed she’d never heard anything so funny. When she got up to go the lavatory, she also went and told all the other flight attendants what I’d said and everyone had a huge laugh. Realizing my opportunity, when she returned to the seat I gave her my card offering a discount on the purchase of my books. I told her that since she clearly enjoyed laughing, I hoped she’d also enjoy reading my books. She introduced herself as Shelly and we spent the rest of the flight talking and laughing. Of course it wasn’t long before we began discussing relationships and she shared a couple stories that I’ll now share with you.

She told me that early in the relationship with her current boyfriend she’d mentioned how much she liked organic Fiji apples. He surprised her a week or two later by showing up with a basket of that very fruit for her. She felt it was so thoughtful of him to have remembered, she offered to reward him orally. I said nothing, but immediately whipped out my always present piece of paper and began scribbling. She leaned over to see what I was writing and read my note aloud: “get organic Fiji apples ASAP!”

She burst out laughing again then added “I don’t know if that will work on anyone else.” To which I replied “Hey, it certainly won’t hurt to try.”

She then told me about a frightening experience she had from a guy she’d met online. Their initial meeting went well, but then he began calling very frequently. Because of her working on flights, her phone often had to be turned off for hours at a time. The man’s voicemail messages became increasingly angry and accused her of screening her calls and intentionally avoiding him. Upon the end of her work day she called the fellow back and explained to him that she didn’t think they had enough in common to pursue a second date. The man was furious and flew into an uncontrollable rage. She was then sure she’d made the best decision and, unable to reason with him, was forced to hang up the phone.

Well, this guy didn’t get over the disappointment as quickly as a normal man and instead reacted with a prolonged and intense viciousness. He copied photographs from this ladies online profile then created a new dating profile for her complete with her full name, real phone number and home address. This crazy scorned guy even went to the trouble of pasting photos of her face onto the naked bodies of men and uploaded this newly fabricated profile to a website specifically designed for cross dressers and their admirers. Shelly finally became aware what happened after receiving several emails and phone calls of an oddly suggestive nature. Eventually, one of the callers referred to her online profile and Shelly was able to view it. She had no doubt about who had perpetrated this identity theft and fraud so she reported it to police, providing the contact data of the offender. The profile was soon removed and the phone calls ceased, but Shelly very reasonably concerned about attempting online dating ever again.