Difficulty with Breaking Up

I have a tendency to remain too long in relationships even after realizing it isn’t going in a desired direction. I’m more passive in a relationship and will go along just to avoid conflict and keep the other person happy. I’ve been accused of being too nice by some friends. Eventually my discomfort builds up and I require an escape.

Maybe the girl becomes more attached than I intended or realized and before I know it we are skewed in our efforts to enjoy each other’s company. When our hopes and desires don’t match, then every conversation is dominated by suggestions of how we can fix it and what else we might try to create something that we both realize clearly isn’t present. This of course makes spending time unpleasant, uncomfortable and ultimately undesirable. Communication wanes and the whole thing eventually dissolves; often without solid closure.

I had a new thought though: maybe it is I who is the clingy one. Even after repeated failures I continue trying until frustration eventually overthrows the most intense efforts and interests. There are women who I dated years ago and some I haven’t seen in decades, but I still remain in contact with their close friends or immediate family members. Is it odd that twenty years after ending a relationship with a young lady I’m still sending greeting cards, talking on the phone and sharing meals with their father, brother, sister, cousin, niece or grandparent?

If I’m clinging to anything then I’m sure it is the good memories I have from youthful days. But could the extent to which I maintain an attachment be considered obsessive?

Marriage: Yes or No?

I saw a report on television a few days ago concerning a survey which revealed nearly half of Americans questioned reportedly could not see any true value in marriage.

Legally, it is skewed.
Emotionally it can be tortuous.
Financially, it is quite often disastrous.

There is far more to lose than to gain. Clearly the negatives outweigh the positives.
Married men are not even afforded the same opportunity for hope frequently given to convicted felons: the coveted chance for early parole or sentence reduction.

Most of those still holding out hope for a legal union being the answer to it all are simply too unfamiliar with the world to have a grasp on things. They are young, inexperienced with relationships and still fantasizing about such fairy tale possibilities as a prince riding a white horse rolling onto the scene of a gorgeous young maiden laid out on a slab in the wilderness all his for the taking.

Did you ever notice that most of the older people cast in major roles in fairy tales are not ones who children would wish to emulate. They are often cruel or sad figures representing the evils of fading youth. The malevolent king, the evil stepmother, the old wrinkled witch, the sad old lady living in a shoe, the hungry old cannibal lady who is so hungry that she tries to lure lost children into her home and eventually into her oven.

Who wrote these horrible stories and why were they so adamantly against mature folks?

Are You Hosting?

A tick embedded in your skin is always with you. But this companion is neither friend nor an equal partner. It takes from you what it needs to live and gives you nothing in return except possible severe illness.

Unmolested, it will remain with you as long as you permit it to do so: sucking you dry for sustenance. The tick will always be a burden to its host.

It has no special feelings for you and will quickly latch onto another should you become unavailable, unwilling or unworthy.

There are people who behave just like the tick. If you find yourself as a host, wise up and pluck the parasite off immediately.

Divorce provided the opportunity for me to reconnect with my parents

A child matures towards adulthood and seeks to expand his horizons, make his own decisions and experience a long dreamed of freedom. It is completely normal that we depart the home of our parental figures and seek to develop and create our own lives.

After the divorce, I began talking more to my parents. My mother worried about me as well as my young children so I tried to ease their minds by greatly increasing the frequencies of my telephone calls and visits. It was a positive experience that as an adult I had the rare opportunity to reconnect with my parents. My parents clearly enjoyed the increased communication, visits and vacations together as well. All of those experiences most likely never would have had occurred had I continued on the original path of matrimony.

It was a coming home of sorts. It helped me and my parents as well through a difficult time. The resulting closer relationship with my mother was a Godsend; for us both. Dr. Freud would surely have had something to say about that comment, but then his mind ran on a single track. Wherever life took him, his train always circled back to that single station of perverted thought.