Investment Risks and Rewards

Treat any relationship like an investment. That is what is actually is, right?

Be aware that there are both long term and short term investments.

Thoroughly research the product before investing; don’t rush in simply because it is the talk of the town or catches a lot of eyes. Trends change quickly and what is “hot” today can be chilly in an instant.

Know your goal before investing heavily.

Understand how much you are willing to lose before pulling out.

Know when to cut your losses and sell.

Research and constantly assess the potential for growth and return on investment.

Understand the stocks position and history: frequency of fluctuations, prospect for market decline, management style, if it has been poorly managed, ROI and of great importance to your own reputation: whether she is privately or publicly held.

You can always apply the gambler’s advice: “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em; know when to walk away and know when to run.”

A-men!

Same Sex Civil Unions

I have made the mistake of stating out loud that whenever we reach the point where same sex civil unions are legalized I’ll be one of the first to partake. Obviously I understand why this statement draws stares, but what I mean is simply that it sounds like a grand opportunity. I have male friends that I’ve known for years and although we sometimes disagree on things, we’ve never had a fight that was significant. I trust them completely with my property, finances and even my life. So if the government allowed us to “marry” then I can see that as a very positive move. We’d be able to join resources to maximize assets, minimize liabilities and share all sorts of benefits such as pensions, social security, life insurance, medical insurance and tax breaks.

But of course, I’d have to insist on separate beds and a very clear no sex clause. Wait a minute…that part sounds a lot like my first marriage; yet it was to a woman and we had no such clause!

Long Term Dummy

I don’t consider myself incapable of long term relationships or even averse to them, but admittedly I haven’t had much luck with them. I’ve attempted four of them in the last eight years; the longest endured nearly a year and the shortest made it only four months. The other two fell in between those time frames at ten and seven months each. One ended at my request, one was doused by my girlfriend and the other two were moving along fine for a while but eventually just waned into uninspiring territory from which we both amicably receded. I’d describe it something like a tuna sandwich that you let sit a little bit too long before eating. The mayonnaise and pickle juice soaked into the bread and that did a lot to ruin the whole meal. It was still the same sandwich, but it didn’t hold nearly the same appeal. We nibbled around the soggy portion for a while, but neither of us was truly hungry enough to actually consume that last moist bite. Those two relationships had simply run their course and I still remain friends with both of those ladies.

No friendship survived the other two. One woman attempted to have me swear that I’d never date another woman for the rest of my life. When I refused to do something so ridiculous, she declared that I’d never hear from her again. So far that has been the case. In the other scenario, the lady clearly could not have cared any less about me or our relationship. She simply disappeared. It’s as if she evaporated like a salted slug or was abducted and removed entirely from the planet. No calls, no emails, no texts and not a single reason, excuse or even a good bye. Oh, and that was also the very first time I’ve had a relationship end with me owing her money.

As far as I know she woke up one morning with amnesia and to this date has never recovered any memory of me or us. It was weird for me, but in the end the experience was truly the least stressful break-up I’ve ever endured…though I admit that questions do linger in my head. Could that have been her goal? I dunno. I remain flummoxed by that one.

I cannot figure out why the two longer more serious relationships ended completely and the other two briefer, more casual encounters resulted in lasting friendships. But as usual I do have a few theories. It evidently exhibits an all or nothing attitude and clearly shows an overall incompatibility. These two women were more set on achieving some ultimate relationship goal than ever having or sustaining a friendship. Their interest was in being paired much more than any possible desire in me being their partner in the pairing. Maybe they didn’t even like me, but simply saw me as a step in gaining something better. I was merely the dummy seated in the passenger seat which allowed them to travel the HOV lane of life.

Clouded Memories, Blissful Ignorance

My memories of youth are probably corrupted by the corrosion of time. Certainly as a younger man I was more eager to meet women. Inevitably, chasing behind girls tends to encourage them to run away. Now, in my fourth decade of life, with a divorce, two teenage children and constantly working on multiple jobs and numerous projects I simply have other priorities. It isn’t that I’ve completely given up spending time with women, but with everything else on my plate that sort of thing just isn’t at the forefront of the matrix any longer.

So, with my attention diverted elsewhere, it oddly seems that my tendency to pay the ladies less attention actually results in attracting them. I guess when they aren’t being pestered and pursued they are more apt to poke their heads out of their shells and take a look around. When they notice my lack of interest, it seems to spawn an internal curiosity to explore exactly why I am not showing the level of interest they believe they deserve.

I am not turned off at all by the attention of a nice, intelligent woman. I am not anti-female and my schedule is full simply because I like it that way. My non-stop activity is mostly of my own doing, so I can take a break whenever I choose. When I am approached by an intriguing woman it is very likely that I will make time for her.

This is not some wild claim that women are following me home like stray dogs and lining up outside my door hoping for a fresh bone. But the truth is that in my forties, I can tell you that I get a lot more attention from the opposite sex than when I was a kid. Of course, things have to be considered in proper perspective. Looking back to days when I couldn’t get a pretty girls attention even by intentionally stepping on her foot it doesn’t take a whole lot more attention to make a huge statistical difference: one will always be greater than zero.

Who would have imagined that my being less attentive would have the effect of actually calling attention to me? That would have been valuable information to have as a young man. But I probably would have dismissed it as a ridiculous hypothesis back then. Instead, I once again learn a valuable lesson too late. I’m older now, less bothered to chase women yet more pursued by them. Regardless, the end result is that I am in this period of my life that one might expect I ought to have figured a few things out, but still I am as confounded by females as I have ever been. By the time I sort out this phase of my life I’ll likely be in my sixties dealing with all new and more challenging relationship predicaments.

When We Still Felt Feelings

Do you recall those carefree youthful days of flirting and dating fun? The extreme sensations you felt in both your head and chest with every possibility that arose to find something incredibly special. I do. Why do things have to change in this area when we mature? I can only imagine that it is the result of experience. Frequent injuries build up scar tissues that result in thicker skin with less sensation. Life has a tendency to wear you down in that way. The blissful ignorance of youth is somewhat sorely missed. Even though many of the feelings we had were of confusion and pain, at least we used to have feelings!

A Light Flight

We had just taken off on a cross country flight when the woman seated next to me leaned over and whispered “I don’t want to bother you, but as soon as the plane levels off I’m going to have to pee.”

I responded “Don’t worry, I’ll turn my head.” While at the same time offering her my empty Styrofoam coffee cup.

She laughed at my joke, and then continued laughing for a long time. It turns out she was an off duty flight attendant and she claimed she’d never heard anything so funny. When she got up to go the lavatory, she also went and told all the other flight attendants what I’d said and everyone had a huge laugh. Realizing my opportunity, when she returned to the seat I gave her my card offering a discount on the purchase of my books. I told her that since she clearly enjoyed laughing, I hoped she’d also enjoy reading my books. She introduced herself as Shelly and we spent the rest of the flight talking and laughing. Of course it wasn’t long before we began discussing relationships and she shared a couple stories that I’ll now share with you.

She told me that early in the relationship with her current boyfriend she’d mentioned how much she liked organic Fiji apples. He surprised her a week or two later by showing up with a basket of that very fruit for her. She felt it was so thoughtful of him to have remembered, she offered to reward him orally. I said nothing, but immediately whipped out my always present piece of paper and began scribbling. She leaned over to see what I was writing and read my note aloud: “get organic Fiji apples ASAP!”

She burst out laughing again then added “I don’t know if that will work on anyone else.” To which I replied “Hey, it certainly won’t hurt to try.”

She then told me about a frightening experience she had from a guy she’d met online. Their initial meeting went well, but then he began calling very frequently. Because of her working on flights, her phone often had to be turned off for hours at a time. The man’s voicemail messages became increasingly angry and accused her of screening her calls and intentionally avoiding him. Upon the end of her work day she called the fellow back and explained to him that she didn’t think they had enough in common to pursue a second date. The man was furious and flew into an uncontrollable rage. She was then sure she’d made the best decision and, unable to reason with him, was forced to hang up the phone.

Well, this guy didn’t get over the disappointment as quickly as a normal man and instead reacted with a prolonged and intense viciousness. He copied photographs from this ladies online profile then created a new dating profile for her complete with her full name, real phone number and home address. This crazy scorned guy even went to the trouble of pasting photos of her face onto the naked bodies of men and uploaded this newly fabricated profile to a website specifically designed for cross dressers and their admirers. Shelly finally became aware what happened after receiving several emails and phone calls of an oddly suggestive nature. Eventually, one of the callers referred to her online profile and Shelly was able to view it. She had no doubt about who had perpetrated this identity theft and fraud so she reported it to police, providing the contact data of the offender. The profile was soon removed and the phone calls ceased, but Shelly very reasonably concerned about attempting online dating ever again.

Beware Auto-Correction

Text messaging is all the rage these days. Parents of kids with cell phones will tell you that their bills reflect thousands of text messages sent and received, but hardly any talk time. I can’t figure out how to get my kids to talk with me on the phone; they neither answer my calls nor return my voicemails. But they are usually very quick to respond to a text message; even during school hours when they shouldn’t have their devices turned on.

My most recent relationship experience consisted mostly of communication by text message. This lady was about twelve years my junior and evidently preferred texting to talking. This suited me quite well as I have long preferred email to phone calls since they are less intrusive. If the matter is not urgent, and most aren’t, then a recipient of an email can reply at his or her convenience. When a phone call arrives and you are busy and cannot answer it is often perceived by the caller as rude that you don’t answer. The truth is that the call might come while you are at work, in a meeting, on another call, in the rest room, dressing, swimming, out of earshot of phone, brushing your teeth, in the shower, have your hands in dishwater, be carrying a tray of drinks or some other activity that prevents an immediate answer. Unfortunately the caller cannot see why you didn’t answer and in the case of the female caller, this will often spur her imagination to kick into turbo mode as she obsesses about the possible reasons you are ignoring her call.

Thankfully this was not the case with my last relationship. She hardly ever called without first texting to see if it was alright to call. I admit that I rather liked that. So I do text more these days, but still do not know the lingo used by the kids. I haven’t tried to learn it either. This means my messages tend to be rather long as I don’t much abbreviate. In fact, I still use all punctuation, apostrophes and capital letters for names and new sentences. Yes, you can tell me that my way is inefficient and I wouldn’t try to argue, but I would insist that my method, while slower and more tedious, does result in less confusion over meaning. At least that’s the usual case.

Like many people, I tend to utilize a number of different devices and change my primary mobile phone frequently. This means that I have to learn new keyboard layouts, new tricks for making capitals, switching between letters and numbers and how to insert special characters.

It seems many devices come with a default setting for auto-correcting text. This may be appreciated by many, but I don’t like it at all. I find it extremely annoying that this mini-computer wants to attempt to guess what I’m going to write. Even more frustrating is when it changes a word after you have typed it because it ‘thinks’ you meant to say something else. This can even get beyond annoying when the device auto-corrects something so critically important as to change the tone or context of the message.

So being innocent me, I sent a message to this girl I was seeing and included her name in the message for emphasize. But my cellular phone had its devious little way with my message and proved that auto-correct is not my friend. When Angelica responded with an outrageous accusation in all capital letters I was confounded. What the hell was she doing?

So my response was a request for simple clarification: “Who are you talking about?” Angelica responded that she had suspected for a while that I was cheating on her.
“What?” was all I could muster in response. I then added “Give me a call when you figure out what’s going on so you can explain it to me.”

“It’s over! DON’T EVER CALL ME AGAIN!” was her final message in all caps.

I sat quietly for a moment; staring at the device and waiting for her inevitable “LOL JK” but it never arrived. So stunned was I by what had happened I looked out my front window to see if she was outside waiting to surprise me with this little act. But she wasn’t there, didn’t show up and never texted me again.

It wasn’t until the following day when I was replaying the full scenario that I went back to review my messages in an effort to understand her weird, extreme reaction.

It took a few minutes because I was initially focusing on her messages, but when I looked at my outgoing texts I saw it. Clear as day and as stinging as acid rain: my Samsung had auto-corrected her name from 'Angelica' to 'Andrea.'

The Result of Experience

I feel like I’ve left you with the sense that I’m more focused on money than anything else in. It is true that I frequently elaborate on specific financial aspects of relationships, but it is merely to explain the importance. I’ve read of several surveys in which financial incompatibility is listed as the primary reason for divorce. Some marriage counselors and economic professionals quote statistics of greater than half of divorces being a direct result of financial mismanagement by one of the “trusted” partners. Yes, a large number of marriages end because of economic incompatibility.

So it is not just me. Sure, some may try to label me as cheap, but I look at it quite differently. My view is that a thoughtful consumer is a better saver. I’ve never gone so far as coupon clipping or sale chasing, but I will admit to recycling, reusing and to being greatly impressed every time I see one of those shows where in which a shopper walks out of a store with a cart full of highly discounted and near free items.

If there is a better deal coming soon or a lower price around the corner then I will wait for the sale or walk around that proverbial corner. I’ve always been planner and a saver. I’ve always run my affairs on a budget and even in the days of only bringing in $3-$7 and hour I always found a way to save something. In the early days I thought mostly of saving for emergencies such as a vehicle breakdown. Over the years, as I matured professionally and financially, I also focused on saving for the future. Whenever I had the desire to buy something that I didn’t need I went through a long process of weighing pluses and minuses to determine if I would actually make the purchase. If I convinced myself that I actually needed it or really thought I’d make good use of it, then I would adjust my budget to begin saving for the major purchase. That’s right: I didn’t run out and make an impulse purchase. I would not touch my emergency fund for a luxury item. I’d find leeway in my existing budget to put aside money each month. If that meant going out less, working overtime or taking on another job then that’s exactly what I did. By the time I’d saved the money required to buy the item I felt more like I could afford it and it was easier to part with the cash as I was more able to justify that I’d worked for the nonessential gift to myself. I’ve been responsible like this since I was a teenager. I guess I’d have to credit my parents for preparing me for life as they taught me by their own responsible example.

Then, in the middle of my third decade, my world came crashing down around me. A divorce wrought havoc on my master plan, tearing down the walls of security I had worked so hard to build. I was modestly proud to be well ahead of the average man my age with retirement savings, personal investments and children’s college funds, but this comforting position was destroyed in this hateful event.

So I would categorize my reaction to any further threat as falling within a normal range. You may compare me to those people who only decide to lock their car doors, clutch their purse tighter or install a home alarm as a result of having been robbed at least once. Yes it is reactionary, but it is a totally natural reaction. After you touch a hot stove once, you aren’t likely to make the same careless error again. Yes, it would have been better if the proper precautions were taken in advance, but Monday morning quarterbacking is of no use. Once you realize the negatives from having suffered the bad stuff, doesn’t it make more sense to build a better defense from that point on? How stupid would a person look if they voluntarily remained a perfect victim: aware of the threat yet accepting it without any preparation or precaution.

So, that is how I see myself. I am proceeding along life’s treacherous path at a somewhat reduced pace, but with an extraordinary amount of care. If you are not moving along in the same manner, then you have failed to learn anything from my experiences and will instead wait for the eventual opportunity to learn from your own. I wish you the best of luck and the least of failure in this process.

Temporary vs Permanent

Relationships are fragile; so much so that the end is often a complete surprise to one or both parties. Rhiana and I seemed a near perfect match, but she disposed of me like last year’s picture-less calendar. I was flabbergasted. Stung that she’d dropped me and stunned further at the abrupt manner it happened. There was no explanation or even a good bye. My calls, questions and texts were ignored. I gave up after a couple days to avoid crossing that line from whence I could be labeled stalker and to prevent myself from just looking pitiful.

Thank goodness I never got one of those prison-style neck tattoos with her name on it. Of course I’ve never actually considered doing that. It is only on my mind because I saw a lady with one this morning. I am always amazed when I see someone, especially a good looking woman with some dude’s name scribbled high up on her neck. That is not something you can easily get rid of. Of course, they wear it in a place they will never actually see it, but it will be there in every mirror and photograph for the rest of her life. Will she limit future relationships to guys with the same name? It is something to ponder…if you have that kind of time on your hands.

If I ever did go so far as to put permanent ink on my throat I certainly hope I’d have the good sense to go with something enduring like “my girl”, “I’m with her” or my own name. Other than the fact that the neck is mine until the end and that I’ll most likely still be dating girls, I can think of nothing else as long lasting. Certainly not any relationship I’ve experienced so far.

I did nearly get a tattoo once. I was a young, nineteen-year-old Marine, barely off Parris Island and busy drinking with friends. Someone brought up the idea of tattoos and I was as motivated at the idea as the next fellow under the influence of alcohol and peer pressure. I picked out some real hard corps tattoo with the large initials ‘USMC’ complete with raging flames around it. I recall that I did have the idea to place it on my forearm or chest so that I could cover it when necessary. But in the end I didn’t go through with it. No, I didn’t chicken out, but once I sat in the chair, the guy working the needle decided to up the price almost thirty percent from what I’d seen posted. I questioned his math and he responded “the prices went up but I haven’t changed the signs yet.” I quickly hopped out of the chair and declared loudly to my friends that I wasn’t giving this scammer my business. One or two of the fellows went through with it, but I never even considered it again since that night. I was a very highly motivated young Marine, but I was also both quite frugal and very much against being taken advantage of.

I think that this particular story sums up a lot about me since many of my posted views touch on an aversion to wasting money on poor relationship investments and a strong desire to avoid being manipulated and used whenever possible.

No Free Parking

How far has our society fallen when considering the low self esteem of our young ladies? What has caused today’s young women t think of themselves as nothing more than parking meters?

No sooner do I attempt to commence a conversation with a young lady and she has to interrupt me with a demanding: “Buy me a drink.” Clearly she has failed to keep up with the pace of conversation and is probably completely ignorant of the subject of whatever interesting information I am so amicably sharing with her. Instead, she boasts a total lack of interest and proclaims that if she must be so burdened to listen to my drivel then I will have to feed the meter by buying a drink; otherwise this uninterested pair of female ears will move on.

I have been ignored before; and I have been ignored quite a lot. I have been married and I’ve also had friends that ignored me just like a spouse would, so it is nothing new to me. I really don’t like the idea of paying for someone to listen to me at this point in my life. In fact, I have become so accustomed to talking with myself that I sometimes do it in public. I don’t mean to and I stop as soon as I realize it, but it is so much a part of my life now that I can’t seem to completely prevent it. But I’m not crazy; not at all. It isn’t as if I’m talking to someone who isn’t there or an imaginary friend: I’m talking with myself and I am right there. I hear myself and I enjoy both sides of the conversation. Sometimes only half of the conversation is audible as the other side is inside my head, but frequently both sides of the discussion are spoken aloud.

So it is my position that if this woman cannot see that what I have to say is so valuable that she should be offering me a drink, then she is surely not capable of comprehending the incredible insight I am divulging. So I cease talking, shaking my head back and forth while giving her a little smile of acknowledgement to let her know I’m not interested in her sort of game. To accent my point I signal the bartender for one beer. No further words are necessary and she quietly moves on to graze on some other fellows green pastures.

Alone, I can now discuss the problems with modern women. I smile at my own resilience as I remind myself that we can drink twice as much for half the price now that she has departed. Cheers!

Desire Versus Deserve

Another difference between men and women is how they see themselves over time and the concepts they have of what makes an acceptable partner. Most men’s standards for choosing a mate rise with age, while those of women who can hear that clock ticking will move towards the lower end of the scale.

The male began his life’s journey with the shallow mind of a boy and the volcanic churnings of testosterone that youth is incapable of controlling. Therefore his search began with a simple concept to describe his ideal woman: ‘there.’ Thats right, the young males greatest aphrodisiac is proximity.

The mature man wants something better. On top of that, he has convinced himself that karma owes him this. He believes that he deserves a reward for having worked hard, suffered a rough life or other miserable failures for which he refuses to accept the blame. This way of thinking is clearly a sign of senility. You simply do not earn tokens in life that you may later cash in for a "hot young thang." Nevertheless, I think nearly all men come to this point. To further exacerbate this ridiculous illusion...men will often actually succeed in luring the attentions of a younger female. But karma has nothing to do with that. An older man usually has a little more money in his pocket as well as the knowledge that an appropriately dangled dollar is as attractive to the young, materialistic human female as a juicy worm is to a hungry fish.

An aging woman started out looking for Prince Charming and her every effort fell horrifically short of reaching that elusive happily-ever-after. She resisted, held out and successfully kept those she considered unworthy at bay. The prince she waited for never showed up. The few semi-gallant callers she allowed eventually turned out to be nothing more than jesters posing in knight’s armor. Later in life, she finally realizes that all men are toads and she can only select the best of the bunch. She has regrets for some of those she scorned as she views the sparse pickings remaining on the lily pads around her. After years of disappoint and a mounting sense of time running out, she resorts to the strategy of grabbing any wart covered sucker that hops along.

Pay Dates

I’ve always found it humorous to hear a man declare: “I’ve never paid for a woman’s company.” Clearly this can only be stated by a man who has never spent any time with a woman. Dating, courting and even flirting incurs expense. Even attempting to engage a woman in conversation is oftentimes costly. Do you think she’s going to be there simply to be showered with your great wit or amazing insight alone? Keep dreaming pal! Detaining her through means involving force is frowned upon and can lead to involvement by authorities, so you’ll only maintain her attention as long as you are providing entertainment, drinks and food to keep her in range.

Yes, I agree that this does look quite similar to the practice of enticing game into a particular killing field by placing food and treats at strategic location. In fact, it is the exact same thing. But so far this technique has not been outlawed and as long as you stick to only threatening women with your bad jokes and poor pick up lines then you’ll remain on the safe side of the law.

If you were to keep track of the expenses you rack up for transportation, clothing, telephone calls, letters, dates, dinners, movies, flowers, drinks and the endless list of other little gadgets, gifts and trinkets you will be amazed at the investment required to court a woman. Most of the time the risk of loss greatly outweighs the long shot chance of reward. My personal record is horrendous so I won’t even produce statistics.

I guarantee you that a true cost comparison analysis would reveal that the short term rental of female escort services for an evening would prove immensely less costly than the long term plan of repeated, unstable payments required to maintain a woman.

Then you have to consider the intangible costs as well. Sanity saved alone would be incalculable. Subtract the inevitable heartache, hours of boring conversation you pretend to be interested in, meeting her family and hanging out with her friends, attending the events or show she’ll undoubtedly drag you to, dealing with unpredictably dramatic mood swings and other things you must endure, but cannot comprehend.

I met an old man once who expressed his wished for the reimbursement of time spent waiting outside shoe stores for his wife of forte-seven years. A brief glint in his eye was evident as he spoke of this secret dream. Alas, it was quickly squashed when his wife poked her head out of the store to shout loudly at him: “What are you doing? Don’t talk to strangers! You’re supposed to be watching my purse.”

His face quickly drooped even lower than before as the gray clouds resettled over his irises and he turned away from me without bothering to say goodbye. I moved several paces away to give him space to brood as well as to prevent enraging his keeper even further. But I did not leave the area completely. I watched the elderly gentleman from afar for a short while longer…maybe as much as ten minutes more as I pondered how he arrived at such a state. The man wore a cap labeling himself as a veteran of World War II so he clearly had not been led around by the nose his entire life. He was mostly bald now and a bit slumped at the shoulders, but a aged war veteran with a wife like an active drill instructor could be expected to stand a little less tall after nearly half a century of her abuse. As difficult as it was for me to stare, I wanted to ensure that this image was engrained on my mental hard drive in hopes that I would never allow myself to arrive at such a pitiful place in life.

I’m still working on preventing my own demise.

Commitment

Consent to marriage is not unlike voluntarily offering oneself for commitment to an asylum. If you think it’s bad on the outside and that somehow support from the institution will help, then you’ll most likely be sorely disappointed at the plain brick walls, thin mattresses, rubber wallpaper, unflattering robes, plastic utensils, bland food and writing with crayons versus pencils. You know it’s going to be hell, but since you’ve clearly given up on better prospects in the future, you might as well jump on into that crazy whirlpool with full restraints in place.

Mismatched Pairings

If you’ve failed alone thus far in life, then seeking a partner to aid in making a better future seems reasonable. But one must remember that if this is your goal (and it is for so many) then the quality of your selection is critically important. It is imperative to ensure that your potential mate shares similar attitudes and goals in life.

A negative and a positive will still ultimately equate to a negative. You should not enter a relationship because you’re after a savior. Likewise, it makes no sense at all to develop a partnership with someone who offers nothing but negativity to your equation.

If you are sinking, then clinging to a stone is no solution; instead you’ll want someone at least buoyant and at best a strong swimmer. If you are in debt, then a partner with a great career and financially savvy is very attractive, but if you are a rising star then it doesn’t make sense to join forces with someone who is incapable of successfully mustering the effort to climb at least a few steps up from his or her dismal situation.

Beware the mismatched pairings!

What About This “Independent Woman” Claim?

I have come to believe that this phenomenon is NOT the declaration of a lifestyle choice to prove that she is strong, capable, smart and independent enough to take care of everything on her own. It is NOT a declaration that she refuses on principle to rely on a man for anything. All it really seems to mean is that she doesn’t currently have a man paying her way.

Watch how fast her tune changes once a man presents an interest. Her pride and her wallet will go tucked away together, deeply into that cavernous purse she paid a lot more for than I spent on my first car. It won’t see the light of day again until she finishes with the poor guy and she once again regresses behind raising the flag of "independence" as a manner of consoling herself on the loss of a partner and the current lack of a man she can manipulate.

Mourning Glory

It is customary for many people to mourn and cry at a funeral. We’ve all seen this in our lifetimes and we can certainly understand the great feelings of loss suffered by family and loved ones. Surely we too have each experienced similar losses. To us, the fact that some cultures celebrate the departure of family members from this life is foreign. But with thorough consideration, we can understand that with all the misery in this Earthly life, they celebrate their loved one’s release from this difficult trial period and expected move to something greater.

So why do we not have similar celebrations when a friend or family member is delivered from a bad marriage? It seems to make more sense to me that we celebrate this new, second chance in life, in this same dimension with even greater vigor than when one moves on from this life. Actually, I believe it should be an even larger celebration because the guest of honor in this instance is still with us. There are no regrets of things never spoken or apologies never offered… because the guest of honor is still among the living and partying right alongside us!

One concern might be that it is not the best time to be throwing a huge party when nearly half of divorcees suffer immediate financial devastation. Think of it as many do in case of the funeral party: if the subject’s estate cannot afford it, then other people (family, friends, loved ones) chip in to pay for it. You cannot argue that there is much more to celebrate at this renewal than at the fiesta of final goodbyes.

Games: Just Fun or Truly Dangerous?

Three or four times I’ve arranged an offline meeting with a girl I met online only to be stood up.

I’ve met several women online and later dated them: some successfully and others not so much. But what I cannot understand is the motivation behind the three or four times I’ve made arrangements to meet offline and wound up being stood up. I have always wondered whether I was being tricked by a co-worker or an angry ex. Maybe it was even a stranger who got some weird thrill from playing this silly game. Simply some run-of-the-mill nut job with too much money and too much time on his or her hands to mentally focus on anything more productive.

I don’t really see where the enjoyment could come in unless you were actually able to watch the reaction of the fellow being deceived. That brings up other concerns. What if this person is actually a serial killer randomly selecting his or her next victim from an online chat room? Could it be someone whose significant other became involved in an online romance and now he or she is seeking revenge with which ever poor sod is the first to agree to meet outside the entrance of a local pub or eatery?

If you’ve experienced similar tricks, did you ever wonder if you might be the victim of some evil game of deceit or were you possibly being set up for easy sniper bait? Who knows or understands the depravity of the human mind? As always, you should proceed with extreme caution when meeting someone from the Web. So many people hide their true selves when creating an online persona. You could very possibly be going on a date with the attractive avatar of a vicious ax murderer.

Understand What are You Looking For

Those ideas you developed about what was cool and attractive as a teenager are probably quite the opposite of what you really want to pursue later in life: a rebellious joker, avid smoker, possible doper who spend more time detailing his car or brushing her hair than studying for exams. Those same traits are probably not what you wish to attach yourself to for the long term.

Guys in high school were often cool…but it was temporary. The same goes for girls. The one’s who were the hottest most sought after the freshman year were very often burnt out and much less interesting by graduation day. Peak too soon and your shelf life is greatly reduced. The faster you drive the quicker you burn through the tank.

Priorities and perspectives change as we grow up and learn about the world. At least they should. Some women are still attracted to the bad boy, leather jacket, long haired, earring wearing type that stood out from the crown in secondary school. Individuals who have continued on these same lines are too attached to the past and basically have not evolved or matured: maybe as a result of bad experiences, feelings of inadequacy or just a strong desire to relive the old days. There are men who are still attracted to the cute, ditzy cheerleader type as well: those who are willing to go out in public with excessive makeup, perfume and hairspray, accompanied by too little clothing revealing way too much skin. Neither of these scenarios are meant to be cruel, but rather to examine how our interests change.

Back in school you didn’t consider who would be the best provider, strongest breadwinner, who you could trust most, which might endure the test of time. No, back then we were attracted more to high profile, stylish, flashy, fast, wild and full of thrills. After several years of riding this roller coaster, nausea will inevitably set in and most of us will snap to reality and recognize that it’s time to settle down from such a volatile lifestyle. I don’t want to sound like I’m knocking fun, but at some point we should realize that there are consequences to prolonging this youthful exuberance and that, like it or not, we have to settle down and manage the string of responsibilities that are continually being hitched to us as we proceed through life.

Friendship

At the commencement of a new calendar year, immediately following this spate of exhausting holidays, our ears continually bombarded with news of disasters and gloom from around the globe as well as negative connotations for our nation’s future, let us not forget what is truly most important and behave like a star. No, don’t look towards Hollywood for guidance, I mean the other kind of star. Position yourself at the nucleus of a positive universe. Pull into your individual orbit those people, values and beliefs most significant to you. Surround yourself with the family and friends most critical to your existence and shine on them like you never have before. Set the example. Provide the assistance, support and influence they require and these same blessings will reflect back upon you. Abandon selfishness and extend a hand. Reach out to a family member; call a friend from days long gone by. Our time here is limited, but our hearts have infinite capacity for love and friendship. May God bless you all.

“If I were a red bird flying high above the sea,
I would want some other bird to come and fly with me.
Though circling way up high beyond this troublesome land,
man could not survive without the touch of a helping hand.
A hand that guides you; if you’re lost shows you the way home.
But you might cry and so would I to find ourselves alone.
So throughout your long lived days be needed as a friend,
for someday you may need someone to
journey with before you reach the end."

{Excerpt from a poem titled “Alone” by Alvin Willie}