Sunday, December 20, 2009

Is that your real name?

If you met a girl who introduced herself as "Jing Jing" how would you respond?

Well my reaction was to laugh and ask what the nickname meant.

"That's catchy, but whats your real name?"

She assured me Jing Jing was in fact her true given name.

I found that difficult to believe and somewhat humorous.

My laughter and doubt ended any chances for further conversation.

Yes, she was Asian but come on...Jing Jing??!!

Is that even a real name? Guess I'll never know.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Interpretive Communication

I met another young lady last week. She was attractive and seemingly intelligent based on the initial conversation. A good looking and educated woman: I naturally thought she had potential. So the conversation continued comfortably for a while until we finally met that inevitable first wall of awkward silence. Silence in and of itself is not a bad thing at all, but I have previously pointed out, it conveys different messages to the opposite genders. As a guy, trying to entrance a woman with your witty rap, silence is not your friend. It is never a good thing to give her a break in the conversation in which she can look around the room for other, better prospects as well as allow her a moment to collect her thoughts and formulate an excuse to get away from you. The whole thing really is a game. The confident, persistent guy is actually a performer. He performs a show which accomplishes a combination of entertaining and distracting the girl in an attempt to lead her into a zone of comfort in which she might eventually be able to actually see herself with him. If he can keep her off balance for long enough she will usually consent to sharing her phone number. I know it sounds like I’m explaining the rules of some kind of game, but the truth is that it really is a game. And as odd as this scenario sounds, it really does work. Women are more emotional than logical so they can be won over by the mere passage of time. Investing more time in conversation and greater effort in learning about her will usually pay off. She will depart the encounter with a positive feeling and there is a
chance that it might last until you actually call her, unless you tarry too long in reconnecting. The spell does wear off with time and sincerity seems to erode with delay.

In what I believe must have been an attempt to restart the conversation by impressing me, she bragged that she had just recently earned a certificate in "interpretive communication." A response was expelled from my mouth before my brain was able to review it as I inquired “Why would you need to go to school for that?”
“What do you mean?” she asked with a look of confusion.
“I thought all women were born with that ability.” I said.
“It’s a professional course” she stated bluntly.
“How in the world can that be a course?”
She was not impressed with my sincerity, but it got worse as I
endeavored in my effort to understand her odd course of study.
So I continued: “I’ve never met a woman who didn’t think she
knew what a man’s words ‘meant’ even though her interpretation was often nothing near the originally intended significance of his words.”

For example:
“I need some time alone = I don’t want to be with you.”
“What’ your friends name = I want to make out with your hot friend.”
“I like your haircut = I better say something nice ‘cause it’ll take a long time to grow out.”
“That dress suits you = You look fat because you really are.”
And so on in this ambit.

As you can imagine, this lady did not share the joke and our
encounter quickly fizzled. At least I enjoyed a laugh, but I
wonder whether there is any woman out there who can handle
my wit. I like to laugh a lot, but I don't try to make a joke out of
everything. But, let me warn you, if you claim to be trained in
some form of the psychic art it will probably bring a smile to my
lips and be followed by a slew of questions about the subject,
your education and actual abilities.

So be prepared.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

One Bone is Not Like Another

The rib which women took from us was evidently the ‘conniving’ bone. All we were left with was the 'funny' bone and even the name of that one is a horrible joke. It just ain't fair at all!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Single...Not Defective

I am single. I am a bachelor.

I am not lost, broken, helpless or in need of either aid or pity.
Having previously attempted the alternate lifestyles of marriage and committed relationships, I find this present mode to be the one which offers the most comfort and has the greatest appeal. At least for now.

I will not (and frankly cannot) afford to allow any other person to subordinate my goals, plans and dreams. The only way I can remain in complete control (or at least as much as I can muster) is to ensure the position immediately above me remains

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Men Are all the Same: Good-for-nothing, Conniving Scoundrels!

When will women become as tired from saying it as I am of hearing it? Don’t expect me to defend the lies and crazy antics of all men here. I would never attempt anything as farfetched as that. I know that many men willingly behave as swine and rampantly pursue women wrapped in cloaks of mistruths.

What I wish to address is the fact that so many women repeatedly fall for this scam. One of the first things you must do to overcome a bad habit is to admit that you suffer from it. Many women explain their dismal record by employing the excuse that men are repeatedly tricking them. You can only use that one so many times! You might be tricked once or even twice, but failure to learn a lesson from the experiences can only be blamed on you. By the time a woman develops the man-hating opinion that “men are all the same” she has voluntarily chosen to ignore her own failures and place the entire blame on the entire population of the male subjects in our species. This is not only ridiculous, but adamantly biased.

When a woman declares that “all men are the same” she is speaking only of her own experience (and usually from a culmination of anger and ignorance). This may be based on either a single or multiple encounters. The real root of the problem is that women will repeatedly choose to engage with the same type of man. Additionally she will conduct herself in the same way she has previously behaved. This exercise is futile and will ultimately progress to similar results.
By her choices and her actions she actually creates a similar experience over and over again. If you are repeatedly finding the same problems with different
prospective partners, then you cannot ignore the possibility that the problem may lie with you. This is a harsh reality for many to accept. While it is not necessarily true in all cases, it is imperative to at least consider the possibility so that you should perform a clear and honest evaluation of yourself and the processes you follow. If different men are running away from you then you have to consider that it may be you that is running them away. Just look at me.

My book reveals a lifetime of unsuccessful long-term relationships and in the end I had no choice but to take a long, hard look at myself and accept the probability that I may be the problem. I am not above it all. Heck, I might even have been the one to create it!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Relationslips the book is now available!

Relationslips: Definitely NOT A Dating Guide
ISBN 9780984335510

Most people have a few stories about bad dates and failed relationships, but most people are not stupid enough to publish their experiences for the entire world to read. Here lie the bare revelations of one man’s astounding failures at meeting, dating and developing successful relationships with women. You’ll be entertained and amazed as the author leads you through a lifetime of bad choices and poor luck. Lucky for you Adam has retained his sense of humor and exhibits an extraordinary resolve in his ability to laugh at himself and his own shortcomings.

As the male brain drops and curiosity rises, a boy’s fear of cooties is overpowered by a natural drive to experience and learn. It’s not that girls become any less mysterious and foreboding, but now we just seem to care a little more about exploring those strange creatures and their eccentricities. This is where a life of trouble begins.

“My last boyfriend used to tie me up, gag me and get pretty rough. I left him after six years because I felt he didn’t respect me.” Christina revealed to me on our second date.

Ilene said “I know what you’re thinking.” I only responded “Yeah?” “Yes” she said, “you’re looking at my crutches.”
“I don’t think you mentioned that” I answered.
“Well” she explained “I was afraid it would scare you away if you knew about the amputation.” Emily confided in me “I have to tell you that I am not a real woman…but it’s okay.”
My response was “How the hell can you think something like that would be okay?!”
Her simple explanation was “Well I really do like to wear women’s clothing so it shouldn’t make a difference.”

I prepared a meal of chicken casserole, black beans and rice. Jennifer was impressed with both the aroma filling the house and the pleasant appearance of the food. As my luck would have it she was allergic to corn which I had used in making the casserole.

“You shave your lips?” Nicola asked. “No, not usually, but the razor slipped” was my reply. She pointed out “It must have slipped a lot because you still have stubble covering your face.”

“A little more alcohol and you’ll probably fall off the boat and make a fool of me!” I noticed that Lynn suggested my falling off the boat as more of an inconvenience to her rather than any actual concern for my safety, but considering what I’d already put her I kept my mouth shut.

I picked up a Bible and began reading verses of interest quietly to the person seated next to me. Jasmine jumped up and yelled “Stop whispering things about me!”

“Now that we are dating I expect you to be a real man and start paying some of my bills: Maybe my car payment or the rent” Marie explained to me on our second date.

Yuni read the sign aloud warning that visitors with heart conditions should not board the ride, then confirmed her decision to disregard the precaution by stating “I know my body and I’m going to ride it anyway.”

“I didn’t mean to lead you on by giving you my number” Kassie cautioned me when I called the number she had given me.

"You breathe too much" my loving wife stated.

Want to review this book or make a comment?

Go to

Relationslips: Definitely NOT A Dating Guide
ISBN 9780984335510

Monday, July 13, 2009

Searching for the One

I didn't intend my message to read like a sermon and
I will be the first to tell you that I am not an expert on
the subject. I have spent several years conducting
intensive research, numerous interviews with many
people from a variety of cultural backgrounds and life
experiences, exploring the situations we get
ourselves into and examining the extreme
differences between men and women.

We are very different creatures with varying ideas,
goals and perspectives on most everything. Even
with these vast gaps separating us we feel an urge
for companionship. We all want someone to love but
what gives us greater comfort, what we truly crave, is
the feeling that we are loved. The real desire is to be
on the receiving end of love.

The desire for these feelings can make us sense that
we are incomplete until we by chance find something
that feels like what we have imagined. Unfortunately
we don't really know what we are searching for and
we often allow our dreams to exceed reality.
Relationships are incredibly time intensive and take
a whole lot of work.

Very often we become frustrated by a sense of
imbalance between what we are giving and what we
are receiving. It’s all about perspective and that's not
something I can easily identify or prescribe for
another person as we are all different. What we are
today is a product of our cumulative life experiences.

Here I am preaching again! Sorry, but I'm just trying
to answer your question as clearly as possible.
Actually you touched on an extremely important
issue. If you are looking too hard; trying to make
every contact conform to your dreams and ideals
then you are actually building a wall around your

You cannot force the feelings of another and you
should not try to force your own feelings. Allow
things to grow with time. Plant the seed, fertilize the
soil and tend the field; yet remain patient. You can
block me and others who you believe may not meet
your immediate need, but every brick you lay to keep
others out will ultimately work to seal you in.

Again, I am not an expert and I am by no means
perfect. I am a real man who has felt love and loss.
I've experienced the quickening of breath as my
female partner comes into sight, felt my day begin
with the smell of her on my pillow; and I have also
suffered the extreme pain of betrayal.

You may find that you are really a whole lot like me:
full of doubt and fear, yet still searching for that
critically important and ultimately elusive missing
piece. The greatest challenge each of us will face is
to remain on track, keeping sight of your dreams,
while never ever allowing them to cast a shadow
across your own self respect.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Answer: Finding A Good Man

Reader's question: "Why is it so hard to find a good man?"

Adam's answer:

Many women are looking for the wrong things. Between family, community and cultural pressures many women have grown up with drastically unrealistic expectations. Little girls are indoctrinated to believe that a prince will ride by on a white horse and whisk them away for a life of happily ever after.

Unfortunately there is a whole lot of life after meeting someone and no mention of the hard work required to develop and maintain a successful relationship is made. The majority of people are very underprepared to take on such a serious
responsibility. Most people fail to discuss and consider the things that are most critical in planning a long-term commitment. Too much focus is placed on the wedding ceremony in which she can be the center of attention as the "princess for a day" and hardly any preparation is made for that loooong time of "until death do us part". The horrendously vague “happily ever after” causes greater harm by seemingly teaching that the game is won once you’ve met and married. There is too much critical information being ignored by ending the story at the part where the real important part begins.

Because I am a man and bluntly state these views many will quickly assume that I’m blaming women for these problems. That is not the case at all. This is a big problem compounded by both men and women I think it is a cultural problem that we continue to perpetrate through the toys, games, movies, television shows and literature we expose our children too.

None of us are perfect and men overall are probably even farther down the scale. The successful relationship must be a partnership. This partnership has to be built on a strong, solid foundation with a comprehensive plan for long-term success. Sure, this sounds more like a business plan than anything romantic, but modern times require that we take all this into consideration.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that thinks are so rosy and simple for men either. You are not alone in trying to traverse this challenging maze our culture has created. Have a look (and laugh) at one man's hilarious adventures by reading the book "Relationslips" available on Amazon or directly through the publisher's website:

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Same Sex Civil Unions

Do gays really want their relationships to become
mainstream and run-of-the-mill? I’ve become more
excepting of the gay lifestyle as it has been forced on
us over the past couple of decades. I’m sure
indoctrination was the intended result. Now I see
that they demand the right to marry. Oh boy, what a
mistake. I say give it to them if they are so stupidly
inclined. They obviously know not for what they
wish. Don’t they realize that having the legal inability
to marry is actually an incredible benefit? I mean,
really, how many other benefits can there possibly
be from sleeping with another man. You both like
the same things in sports and entertainment, neither
is inclined to nag incessantly, you are both always in
the mood, you have the freedom from government
intrusion and legal ties resulting in the gift that keeps
on giving…unrestrained promiscuity! That’s all the
positives I can think of. The freedom from legal ties
and abundance of promiscuity are the only things
that I can find attractive from that lifestyle; as an
outsider looking in. If you take away those pluses by
instituting a legal avenue for gay marriage, getting
the government involvement in these peoples
personal lives and burdening their relationships with
legal commitments then they will undoubtedly lose a
whole lot of members. When you are in such an
enviable position with an exceptional set of benefits
you have to think very hard before initiating action
that will result in abolishing them. You might
ultimately regret it and others to follow will abhor
your meddling.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Answer: Can True Love Be a Numbers Game?

Reader's question: "Can finding true love be a numbers game?"

Adam's answer:

It could be that you are not yet familiar enough with yourself to understand that you may be attracted to the wrong kind of guy. That might sound like a simple answer, but fixing that problem may be a little bit more time consuming. I'm guessing that the book you referenced offers a method of reaching the desired conclusion. Your proposed theory of dating three guys simultaneously to aid development of an idea of what you both want to find as well as honing in on what you wish to avoid sounds like a triangulation strategy.

While such a method might work for some I can imagine that very many women would find themselves overwhelmed and suffer even greater confusion. Might I suggest that rather than intentionally making your dating life more convoluted
and complicated that you instead try spending some time alone in thoughtful review? I'm willing to bet that a better solution will result from your serious
meditation on what it is you want as well as what type of guy will compliment your particular style.

Remember that a successful relationship is a partnership so you have to take an honest inventory of your own assets and liabilities. Sure this sounds overwhelming, but don't make the mistake of thinking you are alone in the challenging game that modern relationships have become. Take your time; don't be too focused on the goal that you fail to pay attention to the road you are traveling.

Lighten up and have a great laugh by looking at one man's many failed dating adventures by reading the book "Relationslips." There are a whole bunch of us
struggling to keep our heads up in this same turbulent sea. Best of luck to you in your own RelationSlips!

Friday, May 29, 2009

“I am a part of all that I have met.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson

This is true of me and I’ve carried this phrase in my head since twelfth grade English with Mrs. Spruill. (Those who have known me that long will be surprised I actually retained anything.) I am a result of all the people, education, experiences, friends and relationships I have come in contact with. This is equally true of everyone else. That we don’t all experience the same from childhood, family life, youth, friends, school and relationships is part of what makes us individuals. It is these same differences that aid our bonding as friends.

Differences can be topics of interest and causes of attraction. These differences can also be the roots of many problems. This is where the importance of open, honest, continual communication is extremely critical to prolonged success.

I am not an expert on creating or fixing these things or providing specific relationship advice. The real truth is that I’m a single guy, once previously married unsuccessfully. The revelations of my manuscript will probably do more to keep me single for life than anything else I could possibly do or any quirks I already exhibit. In the yin yang balance of life, I guess you could deduce that my failure at marriage actually provided an opportunity for me to showcase my success at divorce.

If my perfect match does exist….she is doing a great job of hiding. If she is out there and stumbles across my book before getting to know the real me then that
alone may possibly ensure we proceed no further.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Answer: Tired of Playing Games

Reader's question: "How do I find the right guy? I'm tired of playing games."

Adam's answer:

You may be attracted to the wrong kind of guy. That might sound like a simple answer, but fixing that problem may be a little bit harder. Women have a tendency to pursue the same time of guy, over and over, even after numerous failed relationships.

Part of the solution will require you to think seriously about what it is you want as well as what type of guy will compliment your particular style.

Don't make the mistake of thinking you are alone in this challenging game our culture has created. Have a look at one man's adventures by reading my book "Relationslips" available direct from the publisher at or search 'Relationslips by Adam' through
Yahoo or Google.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Answer: Greatest Challenge from Divorce

Reader's question: "What did you find to be the greatest challenge from divorce?"

Adam's answer:

I'd say the number one greatest challenge involves trying to maintain (or build) some type of normalcy for the kids. But really...what is normal? If the parents had a bad relationship which resulted in a failed marriage then the kids most probably need a major change from what has been their 'normal'.

The second biggest challenge (or maybe first if no children involved) would be trying to get back into dating. The longer you are out of it the more lost you may feel. I was married for 10 1/2 years and felt so completely clueless once I was back on my own. It is now six years later and I'm still largely confused based on the type of women I've been meeting.

I don't think I'm alone in this situation, but I do think I'm one of the few stupid enough to put the true stories of my personal relationship failures out there for the entire world to read. Maybe it wasn't the smartest decision, but so far it has received good reviews. I've been told by some that they laughed until they cried and another said she almost urinated on herself from the hilarious way I told some stories.

I'm glad people are enjoying it, but hey...that’s my life you're laughing at!

You can find "Relationslips" online through or by searching Amazon, Yahoo or Google for Relationslips by Adam.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Living Life or Just Looking On

There are casual observers and active participants in
life. I’d classify myself more as an active casual
observer or maybe a slightly active observer of the
casual life events happening around me.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Fairy Tale Culture of Love

It’s no wonder so many women are completely
screwed up in their love lives. Young girls taught
mind-corrupting tales of prince charming saving her
from it all and completely ignoring reality by ending
tales with “and once they met, they lived happily ever

They’ve been taught to seek and nurture unrealistic
expectations. This fairy tale mentality results in
skewed thinking and an inability to accept and
function appropriately in reality.

Many times even women in their thirties and forties
who have been through multiple relationships and
even years of marriages(s) will continue to vocalize
their desire to “meet my prince charming” “have a
millionaire come take me away from all this”.

Sure, some might say it’s a mere fantasy, but many
women are work themselves into an uncontrollable
frenzy wondering why they have missed the socalled
gravy train. At some point an individual must
overcome dependence on fantasy and has to snap
out of it, become and adult and make a conscious
decision to either live a real life or settle for being an
angry old maid. Happiness is missed, dreams are
dashed away and ultimately many, many lives are
wasted by frivolous pursuit of some totally
unobtainable ideal.