Searching for the One

I didn't intend my message to read like a sermon and

I will be the first to tell you that I am not an expert on

the subject. I have spent several years conducting

intensive research, numerous interviews with many

people from a variety of cultural backgrounds and life

experiences, exploring the situations we get

ourselves into and examining the extreme

differences between men and women.

We are very different creatures with varying ideas,

goals and perspectives on most everything. Even

with these vast gaps separating us we feel an urge

for companionship. We all want someone to love but

what gives us greater comfort, what we truly crave, is

the feeling that we are loved. The real desire is to be

on the receiving end of love.

The desire for these feelings can make us sense that

we are incomplete until we by chance find something

that feels like what we have imagined. Unfortunately

we don't really know what we are searching for and

we often allow our dreams to exceed reality.

Relationships are incredibly time intensive and take

a whole lot of work.

Very often we become frustrated by a sense of

imbalance between what we are giving and what we

are receiving. It’s all about perspective and that's not

something I can easily identify or prescribe for

another person as we are all different. What we are

today is a product of our cumulative life experiences.

Here I am preaching again! Sorry, but I'm just trying

to answer your question as clearly as possible.

Actually you touched on an extremely important

issue. If you are looking too hard; trying to make

every contact conform to your dreams and ideals

then you are actually building a wall around your

heart.

You cannot force the feelings of another and you

should not try to force your own feelings. Allow

things to grow with time. Plant the seed, fertilize the

soil and tend the field; yet remain patient. You can

block me and others who you believe may not meet

your immediate need, but every brick you lay to keep

others out will ultimately work to seal you in.

Again, I am not an expert and I am by no means

perfect. I am a real man who has felt love and loss.

I've experienced the quickening of breath as my

female partner comes into sight, felt my day begin

with the smell of her on my pillow; and I have also

suffered the extreme pain of betrayal.

You may find that you are really a whole lot like me:

full of doubt and fear, yet still searching for that

critically important and ultimately elusive missing

piece. The greatest challenge each of us will face is

to remain on track, keeping sight of your dreams,

while never ever allowing them to cast a shadow

across your own self respect.