Pay Dates

I’ve always found it humorous to hear a man declare: “I’ve never paid for a woman’s company.” Clearly this can only be stated by a man who has never spent any time with a woman. Dating, courting and even flirting incurs expense. Even attempting to engage a woman in conversation is oftentimes costly. Do you think she’s going to be there simply to be showered with your great wit or amazing insight alone? Keep dreaming pal! Detaining her through means involving force is frowned upon and can lead to involvement by authorities, so you’ll only maintain her attention as long as you are providing entertainment, drinks and food to keep her in range.

Yes, I agree that this does look quite similar to the practice of enticing game into a particular killing field by placing food and treats at strategic location. In fact, it is the exact same thing. But so far this technique has not been outlawed and as long as you stick to only threatening women with your bad jokes and poor pick up lines then you’ll remain on the safe side of the law.

If you were to keep track of the expenses you rack up for transportation, clothing, telephone calls, letters, dates, dinners, movies, flowers, drinks and the endless list of other little gadgets, gifts and trinkets you will be amazed at the investment required to court a woman. Most of the time the risk of loss greatly outweighs the long shot chance of reward. My personal record is horrendous so I won’t even produce statistics.

I guarantee you that a true cost comparison analysis would reveal that the short term rental of female escort services for an evening would prove immensely less costly than the long term plan of repeated, unstable payments required to maintain a woman.

Then you have to consider the intangible costs as well. Sanity saved alone would be incalculable. Subtract the inevitable heartache, hours of boring conversation you pretend to be interested in, meeting her family and hanging out with her friends, attending the events or show she’ll undoubtedly drag you to, dealing with unpredictably dramatic mood swings and other things you must endure, but cannot comprehend.

I met an old man once who expressed his wished for the reimbursement of time spent waiting outside shoe stores for his wife of forte-seven years. A brief glint in his eye was evident as he spoke of this secret dream. Alas, it was quickly squashed when his wife poked her head out of the store to shout loudly at him: “What are you doing? Don’t talk to strangers! You’re supposed to be watching my purse.”

His face quickly drooped even lower than before as the gray clouds resettled over his irises and he turned away from me without bothering to say goodbye. I moved several paces away to give him space to brood as well as to prevent enraging his keeper even further. But I did not leave the area completely. I watched the elderly gentleman from afar for a short while longer…maybe as much as ten minutes more as I pondered how he arrived at such a state. The man wore a cap labeling himself as a veteran of World War II so he clearly had not been led around by the nose his entire life. He was mostly bald now and a bit slumped at the shoulders, but a aged war veteran with a wife like an active drill instructor could be expected to stand a little less tall after nearly half a century of her abuse. As difficult as it was for me to stare, I wanted to ensure that this image was engrained on my mental hard drive in hopes that I would never allow myself to arrive at such a pitiful place in life.

I’m still working on preventing my own demise.

Commitment

Consent to marriage is not unlike voluntarily offering oneself for commitment to an asylum. If you think it’s bad on the outside and that somehow support from the institution will help, then you’ll most likely be sorely disappointed at the plain brick walls, thin mattresses, rubber wallpaper, unflattering robes, plastic utensils, bland food and writing with crayons versus pencils. You know it’s going to be hell, but since you’ve clearly given up on better prospects in the future, you might as well jump on into that crazy whirlpool with full restraints in place.

Mismatched Pairings

If you’ve failed alone thus far in life, then seeking a partner to aid in making a better future seems reasonable. But one must remember that if this is your goal (and it is for so many) then the quality of your selection is critically important. It is imperative to ensure that your potential mate shares similar attitudes and goals in life.

A negative and a positive will still ultimately equate to a negative. You should not enter a relationship because you’re after a savior. Likewise, it makes no sense at all to develop a partnership with someone who offers nothing but negativity to your equation.

If you are sinking, then clinging to a stone is no solution; instead you’ll want someone at least buoyant and at best a strong swimmer. If you are in debt, then a partner with a great career and financially savvy is very attractive, but if you are a rising star then it doesn’t make sense to join forces with someone who is incapable of successfully mustering the effort to climb at least a few steps up from his or her dismal situation.

Beware the mismatched pairings!

What About This “Independent Woman” Claim?

I have come to believe that this phenomenon is NOT the declaration of a lifestyle choice to prove that she is strong, capable, smart and independent enough to take care of everything on her own. It is NOT a declaration that she refuses on principle to rely on a man for anything. All it really seems to mean is that she doesn’t currently have a man paying her way.

Watch how fast her tune changes once a man presents an interest. Her pride and her wallet will go tucked away together, deeply into that cavernous purse she paid a lot more for than I spent on my first car. It won’t see the light of day again until she finishes with the poor guy and she once again regresses behind raising the flag of "independence" as a manner of consoling herself on the loss of a partner and the current lack of a man she can manipulate.

Mourning Glory

It is customary for many people to mourn and cry at a funeral. We’ve all seen this in our lifetimes and we can certainly understand the great feelings of loss suffered by family and loved ones. Surely we too have each experienced similar losses. To us, the fact that some cultures celebrate the departure of family members from this life is foreign. But with thorough consideration, we can understand that with all the misery in this Earthly life, they celebrate their loved one’s release from this difficult trial period and expected move to something greater.

So why do we not have similar celebrations when a friend or family member is delivered from a bad marriage? It seems to make more sense to me that we celebrate this new, second chance in life, in this same dimension with even greater vigor than when one moves on from this life. Actually, I believe it should be an even larger celebration because the guest of honor in this instance is still with us. There are no regrets of things never spoken or apologies never offered… because the guest of honor is still among the living and partying right alongside us!

One concern might be that it is not the best time to be throwing a huge party when nearly half of divorcees suffer immediate financial devastation. Think of it as many do in case of the funeral party: if the subject’s estate cannot afford it, then other people (family, friends, loved ones) chip in to pay for it. You cannot argue that there is much more to celebrate at this renewal than at the fiesta of final goodbyes.

Games: Just Fun or Truly Dangerous?

Three or four times I’ve arranged an offline meeting with a girl I met online only to be stood up.

I’ve met several women online and later dated them: some successfully and others not so much. But what I cannot understand is the motivation behind the three or four times I’ve made arrangements to meet offline and wound up being stood up. I have always wondered whether I was being tricked by a co-worker or an angry ex. Maybe it was even a stranger who got some weird thrill from playing this silly game. Simply some run-of-the-mill nut job with too much money and too much time on his or her hands to mentally focus on anything more productive.

I don’t really see where the enjoyment could come in unless you were actually able to watch the reaction of the fellow being deceived. That brings up other concerns. What if this person is actually a serial killer randomly selecting his or her next victim from an online chat room? Could it be someone whose significant other became involved in an online romance and now he or she is seeking revenge with which ever poor sod is the first to agree to meet outside the entrance of a local pub or eatery?

If you’ve experienced similar tricks, did you ever wonder if you might be the victim of some evil game of deceit or were you possibly being set up for easy sniper bait? Who knows or understands the depravity of the human mind? As always, you should proceed with extreme caution when meeting someone from the Web. So many people hide their true selves when creating an online persona. You could very possibly be going on a date with the attractive avatar of a vicious ax murderer.

Understand What are You Looking For

Those ideas you developed about what was cool and attractive as a teenager are probably quite the opposite of what you really want to pursue later in life: a rebellious joker, avid smoker, possible doper who spend more time detailing his car or brushing her hair than studying for exams. Those same traits are probably not what you wish to attach yourself to for the long term.

Guys in high school were often cool…but it was temporary. The same goes for girls. The one’s who were the hottest most sought after the freshman year were very often burnt out and much less interesting by graduation day. Peak too soon and your shelf life is greatly reduced. The faster you drive the quicker you burn through the tank.

Priorities and perspectives change as we grow up and learn about the world. At least they should. Some women are still attracted to the bad boy, leather jacket, long haired, earring wearing type that stood out from the crown in secondary school. Individuals who have continued on these same lines are too attached to the past and basically have not evolved or matured: maybe as a result of bad experiences, feelings of inadequacy or just a strong desire to relive the old days. There are men who are still attracted to the cute, ditzy cheerleader type as well: those who are willing to go out in public with excessive makeup, perfume and hairspray, accompanied by too little clothing revealing way too much skin. Neither of these scenarios are meant to be cruel, but rather to examine how our interests change.

Back in school you didn’t consider who would be the best provider, strongest breadwinner, who you could trust most, which might endure the test of time. No, back then we were attracted more to high profile, stylish, flashy, fast, wild and full of thrills. After several years of riding this roller coaster, nausea will inevitably set in and most of us will snap to reality and recognize that it’s time to settle down from such a volatile lifestyle. I don’t want to sound like I’m knocking fun, but at some point we should realize that there are consequences to prolonging this youthful exuberance and that, like it or not, we have to settle down and manage the string of responsibilities that are continually being hitched to us as we proceed through life.